Devotee

"Not even in slumber will you find a savior
Your sole sanctuary enveloped in flames"

- Lyrics for an undisclosed project.

I have written and re-written this introduction about ten times, but nothing seems fitting.  It seems almost impossible to capture exactly what was experienced on December 10th, 2011 in mere words.  For those in attendance, this was the glorious day that I witnessed Antaeus at the Rites of Darkness festival in San Antonio, Texas.  To use a more simple terminology, it was arguably the best performance I had witnessed all year.

This statement does not come lightly, that it does not.  In 2011 I witnessed Exhorder, Hirax, D.R.I. (twice), Rigor Mortis (several times), Absu (twice), Immortal, Mayhem, among many, many others, and all were amazing shows.  Hell, I even saw Humut Tabal before I joined the band, and even as a three-piece their intensity blew me away.  But of all the bands I saw, I can honestly that no one else brought out the specific energy that Antaeus did.

The set was a perfect reminder of what black metal should be : evil, full of hatred, and completely devoid of positivity.  No hope : No peace.  Nihil Khaos : CYFAWS.  A whirlwind of razor blades.  This was despair and hopelessness incarnate, albeit presented in a completely different than numerous self-pitying DSBM bands.  This was pure violence directed at everyone and everything, and as MkM vomited forth blasphemies while convulsing in the manner of a man possessed, I found myself ascending to the state of consciousness that usually is reserved for when I am clad in paint, leather, and spikes.  "Prokingu" was unlocked during that performance, which I can honestly has not happened during any other black metal performance I have ever witnessed. 

I really can find no words that could do the performance justice.  I can try, of course, but it's almost as if only the written equivalent of speaking in tongues could capture my psyche as "Inner War" and "Blood Libels" crashed through the venue with the force of an oncoming train.  The setlist was perfect, and to be honest, the rest of the festival was a major anticlimax, although I should say that Cruciamentum's performance was excellent.

Truth be told, I'm not sure if anything will ever match that performance.  It was truly the best black metal show I have ever seen, and best of all, it was genuine.  This was no theatrical presentation, intent on mindless entertainment; nor was it an ironic co-opting of black metal ideology for condescending and pretentious hipster amusement; but rather a true representation of every single thing that makes black metal glorious.  I was in a daze for several hours after the show ended, having felt a sense of affirmation wash over me : being a part of this music was my life's mission, and if I ever abandon it, may I be forever damned.